Closer to a working bathroom, all the blossoming, creeping up on a flare-up?

It's been a week.  It started out with the first of the perfect deck drowsing days and ended with the fall of the white blossoms.  In between, there was a grindingly hard week at work when everything at work needed me at once, and I had to be onsite more than is healthy for me, and the bathroom construction fried my nervous system.  Also more blossoms.

 

#HammockTime  #OkomeHouse  #TryingToEatMoreNon-MeatProteins  #AlsoTryingToEatMoreVeggies

#PostOkomeHouseWalk  #OfCourseIGotLost  #ISeeTheMoon

#MondayWalk  #MyTreeIsGettingCloseToFullBloom

I don't know what's going on here, but it's been cracking me up.  I get several emails a day that seem to have been possessed by a snake.  I snort laugh every time.  What on earth . . . ?

Showerhead that I don't bump into!  Actual bathtub for human-sized humans!  A floor not made of 3 layers of ravenous and poorly applied peel and stick tiles that will cut or trip you!  

Today I learned that maybe my breathing problems were because there was no water in the broken toilet, so it may have been leaking toxic gasses into my unit.  Who knew?

#DestructionOfNervousSystemNotPictured  #ToiletStillDecorative  #AtLeastToiletHasWaterAgainToWardOffToxicGasses  #AlsoHadSmallGroupTimeToTalkAboutArt

#WednesdayWalk  #WhiteBlossomsAtPeakBloom  #SecondNightInARowOfSmallGroupThingsAndComingHomeWayPastWind-DownStartTime

Thursday was another full day onsite for work, starting very early for me.  At least I managed to get to the food truck early enough that I could get food and eat it between things!

#AAPIHeritageMonthFoodTrucksOfAwesome

This entire week since I turned off rest mode, my activity tracker has been not-so-subtly encouraging me to turn it back on. I resisted for reasons that don't really make sense to me.  I kept telling myself I was taking Friday off and would rest ALL DAY, and that would somehow fix everything.  Then I worked the first half of Friday and rested the second half, and my heart rate was just really all over the place as I did my impression of something boneless in a hammock.

#IAmLyingMotionlessOnTheHammock  #NappingOnAndOff  #NotSureWhatMore/LessICouldDo

I took a really slow, short walk, but because my autonomic nervous system is all jangly, it gave me credit for more exercise that I think I really got.  The clouds, though!  Oh, man.  

Nothing for it but some chicken soup on Saturday before pool PT.  And then some more blossom appreciation.

#There'sChickenBrothInThereIPromise

#TheWhiteBlossomsHavePassedTheirZenith  #TheyStillSmellLikeHeavenAsTheyGatherInPiles

#Mid-PinkBlossomsBeingAmazing

Enjoy the blossoms while they're having their day!  Everything smells amazing when I can smell, and the firework-like nature of these blooming trees lifts my heart.  Maybe too much, according to my activity tracker.  : D

What to keep and what to not keep: the straight-legged jeans

It's time to let them go.  The last time I wore them was the winter of 2020, when I went to the office 5 days a week and had 5 pairs of jeans and enough hoodies and sweaters to go with them.  Maybe the last time I wore any of them was for PI(e) Day the 13th, the last day at the office before a long stretch of working from home.  An inauspicious day, indeed.

#TheWrinklesOfDisuse

It wasn't the working from home that took the jeans away, though.  I did enjoy 6 weeks of wearing more comfortable pants during the workday, but I would have kept the jeans in rotation or put them back in if not for the worst May day I have probably ever had.  My Physical Therapy Pool closed the week before the stay at home order took effect, so I wasn't able to use it for gentle stretching and strengthening 2-3 times a week.  I went on more and longer walks, and that was putting strain on my body while relieving strain on my brain.  I had been away from the therapy pool for about 6 weeks when my knee and ankle gave out halfway down stairs, and I dislocated my shoulder keeping myself from a face-first fall down the rest of the stairs.

#WeWereVeryGoodFriendsForAWhile  #Ouch  #GoodThingWeWereWorkingFromHomeAndDidn'tHaveToMoveMuch

The knee bent sideways and the connective tissue stretched too far to be able to keep it in place.  Same for the ankle (though it's likely something actually tore there, too).  A knee brace confines the knee like a protective cage, keeping it from bending in any direction it's not supposed to.  And that knee brace is why the jeans need to be passed on to someone who can wear them.

#TapeWas...InadequateToTheTask #AsWasRestingAndElevating  #Alas

Early in my relationship with Midori (my green knee brace), I learned that she was dangerous and would cut me if given the chance.  This is due to one of the things associated with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome hypermobility type (hEDS): skin that tears easily.  So I tried what I did in jr high/high school sports: putting some of the material they use between your skin and a cast to give Midori and my skin some space.  However, this still results in sweat getting onto the brace pads, requiring them to be washed and put back on precisely and correctly, all things that are hard to do and cause pain for weeks.

#SayHelloToMyLittleFriend  #BornInJuly2020  #HelloMyNameIsMidoriMobility  #ItFeltLikeMyLegWasBeingPunchedInMultipleDirectionsBecauseOfHowOutOfWhackItWas 

Wearing the brace over jeans didn't work because it scrunched the jeans up in weird folds that also tore the skin. : (  I could wear it over gentler pants, but I couldn't wear pajama pants to work.  I had to purchase leggings and athletic pants that were considered borderline acceptable in casual professional settings, and any that didn't have a lot of extra material around the knees also tended to be skin-tight/figure hugging in places I am not comfortable displaying.  So I also had to get longer shirts and sweatshirts to cover said areas.  And I kind of hate how they look, but I also hate not being able to safely walk, and one of those is way more important than the other.

I did experiment with wider-legged jeans for those days when I just don't want to show everyone how crippled I am with my bright green knee brace, but those are also days I walk a lot, which = sweat on the brace = gross and hard to clean.  

#Dubious  #GoodToHaveOptions  #EspeciallyNowThatVisibleDisabilitiesCouldGetYouConsideredLessHumanAgain  #TheWayIWalkSometimesDueToThePainAndInstabilityMakesAVisibleAssistiveDeviceRedundant  #IHateAnyoneHavingToThinkAboutThis 

I have done extensive PT for years, and it just doesn't look like the connective tissue is going to be able to reliably keep things in place possibly ever again.  So the chance that I would ever be able to wear the jeans is pretty much zero (unless a miracle occurs).  

So.  I am not keeping the old, straight-legged jeans.  I am giving them to someone who can and will wear them.  And I hope they have better luck with the Radian jeans that do have amazing pockets but I couldn't keep from falling down to save my life.  The space in the closet will go to the even-less-attractive pants that I have to wear.  Everyone wins.  Yay.

What to Keep and What to Not Keep: the red sweatshirt

Now that I'm back in my home space after nearly a year in a very minimalist space and am slowly recovering from burnout (giving up helps), my urge to clean up my space is irrepressible.  I also have a little more energy to devote to it, since I have given up on my career, so this is working out slowly but well. 

One of my problems with choosing not to keep things is my emotional / strong memory attachments to them.  (Another is my inability to remember why I kept a thing and the urge to save it anyway just in case I remember later why I kept it, but we'll talk about that some other time.)  So I decided that I would take pictures of the things I am tempted to keep not because I use them but because they are tied to something else.  Then I'll write about them and have an online memorial to look at even when the item in question has moved on to a new home or a new use.

#IGuessThisWasDuring90210DaysOrSomething

Today's is this red Donald Duck sweatshirt.  I never cared for the image, but my beloved aunt K gave it to me in my youth.  It was in heavy rotation (basically because I only had maybe two sweatshirts until college) once I outgrew my most favorite thick, amazing black sweatshirt with the random Italian writing and the day-glo neon colors that I adored and saved for decades.

The memory attached to this is that my mom in her unflagging (but mostly futile) attempts to get me to care about clothing and my appearance always said red was a great color on my.  There is a photo of me wearing this sweatshirt being hugged with obvious affection by my incredibly adorable and young-looking mother as she was recovering from a nearly-deadly illness (maybe during a family birthday celebration???).  Because of my connection of this sweatshirt with the generosity of my aunt and the love and affection of my mother, I have carried it to another state and through 14 moves (if you count the 8 back-and-forths for college undergrad).  I have not worn it in decades, but I haven't been able to give it up.  

Until now.  It's very well preserved and is Disney, so I decided to donate it instead of recycle it.  Hopefully someone else will look great in red and be hugged affectionately by someone else while wearing it.

#LoveYou,Mom!

Rushing toward the end of the tunnel, maybe a light, more last times

#AtLeastThereIsCake  #AndTea  #InThoseCups  #SoIt'sNotAllBadIGuess

The week started still kind of down on the work next steps stuff.  And country stuff.

#YesCorrectHangInThere 

#WillDo

Spent some quality time with books, naps, and Natsume's Book of Friends.  Natsume is a comfort watch because it makes me want to give everyone more grace and hugs, and there is something compelling about the slow burn of disconnected beings trying to connect with one another in healthy, safe ways in a world that is not always kind but sometimes is.

Then on Tuesday, randomly, a potential position appeared.  Nothing definite, very short on details, possibly impossible, but maybe.  Sing it, Sara #ItFeelsLikeItMightBeHope

Then a visit from my parents.  And Taylor Swift.  Who was everywhere.  And more working half the day during my vacation days.  : (

#TaylorAtCasaLoma

I took them down the block for dinner the first night, and the next day was sunny, so we did transit and city and too much walking.  We wandered around the P.A.T.H. and got some lunch and then wandered to Union Station and then the CN Tower with my Dad.  

#ThereIsAGiantWhiteReindeerMadeOfLightsAndWickerBehindUs  #IPromise

#IComeByMyInabilityToFigureOutWhereTheSelfieCameraIsBiologically  #WhichYouCouldSeeIfIDidn'tBlurThis

A highlight was when we decided to check out an outdoor mall, and it was . . . suddenly charging admission for some Christmas thing.  I didn't care about the Christmas thing; I just wanted to see if the hat place had anything my mom would like.  I thought maybe the Christmas event was just for a special part of the area, so we wandered around to a back entrance and meandered our way to the hat place.  And realized we sort of accidentally snuck in illicitly.  

#Oops  #MerryChristmasInNovember

And then we waited in the cold, aching and shivering in the wind, for a streetcar that took forever (a required adventure in Toronto).  Good thing dinner at PAI was a hit and didn't also have a ridiculous line.  Then I showed them the sculpture that will haunt your nightmares, and then we transited home.  

Where I synced my activity tracker to find out that it recommended I take the whole day off to rest. 

 

#SorryActivityTracker  

#IDefinitelyDidNotFollowYourAdvice  

#NotOnlyBecauseIDidn'tKnowAboutIt 

#WeHadPlans

The next day I felt slightly run over by a light truck.  Activity tracker . . .

#IKnowTheseTrackersAreNotForPeopleWithChronicIllnessButStill  

#Always Funny

The day after that we visited Casa Loma, the not-truly-a-castle-because-no-royalty-lived-there ridiculous estate.  I drove.  We . . . did not manage to make it to our planned dinner place and just ate snacks and stuff around my apartment for dinner, packed and cleaned, and went to bed at totally reasonable hours.

#SpaceFor10,000Books  #MightHaveDrooled  

#ButDidn'tBecauseTheFloorsWereAlsoAWorkOfArt

#YepIt'sACastleInToronto  #TheOtherTurretWasClosedForAnEscapeRoom  #MyKneeAndAnkleWereRelieved

We checked out the next morning after a hilarious adventure getting gas across the street and then taking 20 minutes to get back to my building due to some traffic shenanigans, and my parents headed home.  

#StillPrettyWarmHereIssa  #Probably Soon

I headed to the couch and listened to most of an audiobook and napped.

Saturday, I scraped myself off the mattress and found out that Little Canada is closed for an event (thankfully before I went).  So I went to Eaton Place to get some gifts for the folks back home, found out all the cool food places in P.A.T.H. are closed on Saturday, and headed to Kitten & the Bear for one last egg cheese scone sandwich.  On the way there, I realized I was on the streetcar that goes past Omusubi Bar Suzume, and they were open.  Hopped off and bought miso soup, oden, and a fresh tuna rice ball (onigiri 4 evar).

#It'sOkayToBeJealous

The ever present suzume (sparrows) that hang out at Suzume hopped around on the table, saw I had soup, and left.

#Sigh

Decided to walk the rest of the way to my scones and came across this new friend.  

#VeryBlue  #IApprove

#AlsoInTheGTA

More napping and audiobooking and then some exercise in the gym.  Then some more Natsume's Book of Friends.

#Denied  #NatsumeNotNap  #SoRelaxing

#AlwaysRemember  #BecauseIProbablyWon't

Hoping you find places of shelter this week and community to hold you.