So Much Off-Road Walking, No Regrets (Yet)

The weather here has continued to be unreasonably (and unseasonably) fabulous, so I've crossed some more things off of my To-Do-Before-I-Leave list.  I took the correct path for river walking and was . . . somewhat baffled by how far from the river the path was.  I mean, the river is very low right now (I am so sorry, ginormous fish trying desperately to swim upstream), so maybe it's higher in other seasons, and having the path so far away makes sense then?  But I was going to have a walk by the river, darn it, so I very carefully walked way too much along the Humber River.  And back on the paved path.  And it was glorious.

#ReallyBrightOutHere  #NotComplaining  #AlsoNotWearingContactsOnTheWeekend

It's relentlessly beautiful.  And it will look different in a week.  And I will be sneezing a lot.  And my knee and ankle are . . . unhappy.  But it was worth it for now.

You can't really see it here, but a single strand of the mostly well-behaved plant here has grown up the inside of this sign post and is waving merrily out of the top of it, and I find this very charming for some reason.

#Hi!

As if that was not enough exposure to allergens and unwise (without ankle braces) walking choices, when I was in the office on Wednesday, the weather was also unbelievable for nearly-November, so I decided to wander to the edge of the parking lot to find the trail that runs near our building.  I was dubious until I actually reached the end of the parking lot and found the still-disguised-by-foliage path that led down a really steep incline fill of rocks and roots that was absolutely a terrible idea with how bad my ankle and knee were feeling from our earlier challenge.  So of course I (oh so very carefully) walked down and then took another poor choices side path to the creekside for a bit.  

Then back onto the path when my knee was sending me the signal I recognize from the "bending sideways on the stairs and wrecking my leg incident of 2020."  It might have a nice little cage keeping it in place, but I was not wearing the similar angle cages, and I was alone and it was getting dark, and I don't have to always make the stupid choice.

#ThisWasARefugeeFromFloodingThisSummer

#TheCreekUpstreamLooksSoInnocent

It was windy but in the 70s, and I suspect this is the last chance I'll have, so yay!  Also Achoo.

#WhatAreTheseFriends?!

It's a good thing I saw the chiropractor the next day.

#TrueExceptForTheCheese?

After I saw the chiropractor, I went to the fancy meat place.  I was going to eat half and save half for the next day.  #IFailed

#IDidTakeMostOfTheNon-MeatHomeForLunchTheNextDay  

#There'sAlwaysOneCurl

Please enjoy this picture as large as you can, so you can see the beautiful light pattern it casts on the floor.

#Pretty

I should definitely have rested and not challenged my knee and ankle more.  So I did the exercise bike in the morning and took a nap.  But.  (Running out of time impulse here.)  The weather is fine, and it's Saturday, and Hot Breakfast Scone.  So I transited out to Kitten & the Bear one last time!  Had my warm lunch scone and a chat with my parents about their upcoming visit and life.  Then had this beautiful thing with the last of the jam and some clotted cream and then went for a treadmill walk.  Then more book!  

#YesThoseAreUnnecessarilySparklyBits  #I'mSureTheyWereDeliciousToo

And then to bed early on the Fall back night to try to fend off the ever-present exhaustion.

#MayYouGetBetterAtBoth

Glorious Home Leave(s) and Planning for My Return

#That'sTheStuff

It looks like fall and feels like summer with added stinging leaves instead of stinging insects, and I will take it.  I successfully executed my plans.

#SundayPlansHammockAudiobookDrowsingBlanketToFendOffLeaves

#MondayPlansMedicalAppointmentRepeatSunday

My activity tracker was pleased with this resting-walking-sleeping-reading thing.

#IPlanTo

#ICelebrateMyReadinessWithMoreHammock

#Cozy

Then it was back to work and then back to the GTA.  My occasional awful luck with rideshares reared its head, but I've finally stopped shivering.  My frustration will keep me warm.

#HangInThereEveryone  #We'llAllBeGladWhenIt'sOver  #EspeciallyMe

Got back to work with a brain that felt like pudding and a strong desire to take a week off.  But we're headed into the last 5 weeks of crunch time and my assignment here, so we'll have to pull it together!

#Let'sCallItCreativeNonFiction

We did not really pull it together, which is probably why we had a likely slightly ill-advisedly honest conversation with our manager.  Two of them actually.  One brief and in person while he was leaving, and I was . . . working later than I planned due to a monitor failure and an unwillingness to ask for help.  One regularly scheduled later in the week.  It wasn't quite no-holds barred, but it was somewhat raw.  He absolutely baffles me.  He claims that his goal as a manager is to help his employees reach their career goals.  But he knows my career goal, and he is unwilling to express an opinion on whether I am capable of working at that higher level or whether I am working at it now.  He does not believe it is his role as a manager to tell me what he thinks I am capable of.  He believes his role as a manager is to find out what my goal is and help me move closer to it.  But, dude, how on Earth can I KEEP giving 150+% for no reward for you when you won't even say that you believe I am operating at that level and should be recognized as such?  How can I possibly believe you will advocate for me and fight for me in calibrations when you have admitted you don't believe in me and aren't willing to fight for me?  I'm just stunned and exhausted.  And frustrated.  And mad that he is still so willing to drive me and my expertise out of the department because of this weird inferiority complex specifically my managers have.  What an absolute waste that all of my contributions at the plant and global level don't matter and aren't valued by him or the next couple levels up.  I'm just kind of done.  Still.  Again.  Sigh.  Until next time.

#ExtraMysteriousBecauseIDon'tEatMustard

On the plus side, this is useful.  My choices are narrowing.  Something in my current temporary line of work that is ideal or back into this abusive relationship with my eyes wide open and my goals lowered, clarified, and aligned on with my manager.  

So with a deep breath and a To Do in my last 5 weeks on this adventure, let's have some fancy Saturday tea and art, shall we?

#TastyFoods  #MasalaChai

I also need to remember that I do like the scent of some floral teas when I can smell them, but they still taste like leaves in water.  (Looks pointedly at anything peach.)  Then briefly around the art museum to the galleries I didn't get to the other times in case this is my last time.

#TheColorOnThisOneNeverQuiteComesOutCorrectWithCellPhoneCamera

#Acrylic  #TheColorsOnThisOneFolks  #WishYouCouldSeeInPerson

#DefinitelyNotPreRaphaelite  #OrHudsonRiverSchool

#IAmInLoveWithTheGreenBlueColorHere  #AlsoDidNotComeOutRightInCellPhonePic

#IWishYouCouldSeeThisOneInPersonToo  #TextileArtWow

 

#TheseAreTheKindThatLookBetterFromFarAway  #TheyCaptureSomethingEssential  #UpCloseNotSoMuch

I grabbed a last chicken sandwich from the Chinese Bakery to eat in 3 days when I am not so full of tea.  And . . . okay, I walked over to The Beguiling to buy some very heavy manga that I will regret having to get into my suitcases when I leave, but it's the last time!  I don't know if you go into melancholy mode when something is ending (usually my time in a place because I am moving), but I get all weepy and "This might be the last time I walk past my tree / garden bed / restaurant / art museum / garage stall / doctor's office / seriously anything."  I am self-aware enough to know it's pretty funny while also enjoying the nostalgia.  Pre-nostalgia?

  

The weather here is definitely fall now, so let's get in our walkies while it's still dry and warm enough not to cause dysautonomia issues.  Let's end with a random transit puppy.  May you all be dry and warm and able to rest in comfort like this transit puppy.    

Resting, Panicking about Next Steps, The Last Home Leave(s)

Well, this week things got real.  I confirmed that my time on my Great Canadian Adventure will not be extended, which means that soon I will be headed back into the breach of my regular job full of despair and distrust of my management's competence.

#PleasePauseForThisPositiveThought  #TheWeatherHereInGTAIsStillAwesone

With the news that my career goal will remain unattainable with my current department, I'm having to knuckle down and try to figure out how to get my heart onboard with my brain's plan (stay in this department, disengage at work, do only work at the level they are willing to compensate me for, use my energy and passion in the community, collect my paycheck, drop down to 80% when my body decides that is necessary, . . . retire) or figure out if I really do have other options that I have the energy and desire to pursue.  

#PleaseEnjoyThisNewEntryIntoTheConstructionSiteMysteriousFurnitureGame  #IDon'tKnowWhatHappenedToTheChairsFromEarlier  #ILikeToBelieveTheyWereFinallyUnitedAndWentOffOnAJourneyTogether

Toward that latter end (trying to find out about other options), I've been reaching out and emailing people and setting up meetings.  That I don't really have time to prepare for due to having real actual work to do.  That I am finding it hard to do because of the (waves toward great wave of not caring driven by discouragement of previous situation).  And whose names I will have to keep straight.

#Correct  #Sigh  #AtLeastThey'reMostlyTeamsMeetings  #SoICanSeePeople'sNames

The great news is that the person who hired me for the role is fully onboard about the value of what I do and how it could help them in the future, but he's moved to a different role and doesn't get to make decisions about this.  So I will have to meet his replacement who knows nothing and try to be coherent.  Stay tuned.

Monday was a holiday, and I did a lot of resting on Saturday and Sunday to keep the cost of last Saturday's Niagara Falls jaunt down.  Books.  Podcasts.  Naps.

#PumpkinTart  #Raspberries  #HolidayCheer

Got my hair cut.  I was going to try to grow it out and got it cut last time with that in mind.  The hair stylist warned me that it would look absolutely horrible while I was growing it out.  She was NOT wrong.  I . . . just couldn't take how bad it looked.  Maybe I am stuck with short hair because I will never be able to handle how bad it looks growing out?  Regular hair cut person is moving and was booked up, so another person cut my hair and ironed out all the curls, so please enjoy this falsely straight cut that will never actually look like this again.  Also, I don't even know where I took these pictures a few days ago after the haircut (at the grocery place?), but the lighting is weirdly dramatic.

#ItCouldLookLikeThisEveryDay  #IfIHadFunctionalHands  #AndYearsOfProfessionalStylingExperience  #AndProfessionalTools  #AndWasn'tAllergicToHairGunk  #AndWasWillingToSpendTimeStylingItAtAll  #WhichIAmNot  #InCaseYouWeren'tSure

Explored some more around Union Station underground area, cleaned for the cleaners, packed for the last home leave, and left.  My hair did not look like this.

Packing and suitcase slinging choices were made.  They were bad choices.  I'm glad I got an answer about the time not being extended because I could bring all my warm weather clothes home and leave them there along with one of The Suitcases.  (!!!!!)  However, yeah, I didn't do smart things when packing and moving suitcases, and I failed to brain in advance and didn't wear the braces I should have, and . . .  Choices have consequences.

Consequences that I plan to assuage with some hammock time because the weather is going to be ridiculous.  

And consequences I will try to not exacerbate due to the awesome weather and the desire to walk around the neighborhood and see all my tree friends catching fire!  Hopefully not literal fire because Minnesota is in a very dry spell again, and the red flag warnings are not infrequent.

#That'sTheStuff

Anyway, it is good to be home and contemplate all the things I am going to recycle and pass along to others who need them more than I do.  And stuff I am going to clean.  And stuff I am going to rearrange.  And take weekends off for real.  And read too much manga.  And use the money I saved from the death of my main discount manga /anime supplier (RIP Right Stuf) to create a more ergonomic home office / home computer setup.  Hope you are having an October that makes you glad you live in a world with Octobers.