White Fragility

I read Robin DiAngelo's White Fragility to try to understand why it's so hard to talk to my parents about race. It was an eye-opening book that made me face head-on many things I had never thought about before as a White woman. It gave me some valuable vocabulary, psychology, history, and action steps to take. I found it very useful baseline book for White people to read. 

I learned a lot about white supremacy and its ripples in the world around me.  I learned about better ways to think about it and discuss it.  I found the explanations about the reasons we react so badly to being told we're racist to be incredibly insightful and helpful to process my own experience with it and reactions to it and (hopefully) be more thoughtful going forward.

I would love if my mother read it and we discussed it, but I'm coming to the realization that my mother is the white moderate that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. warned about and DiAngelo also mentions. Because of various circumstances, she is more committed to the appearance of peace than the actualization of justice.  Basically, my mother is not currently in a place where trying to have this conversation would be valuable. 

I'm also coming to the conclusion that my father is racist and is unlikely to change at this point.  As DiAngelo indicates, this does not mean I think he is an extra morally reprehensible person.  I just think he has absorbed the white supremacy he was brought up in, and  he is not willing to do the introspective work required to actively fight against it, since it is "not in the Bible" and he is content with his conclusions despite the fact that racism as we currently live with it didn't even start until around 1500ish years after biblical times ended.  Trying to have conversations about race with him will be counterproductive until something changes.

Because of these things, I feel like I better understand why it's hard to talk to my parents about race.  Reading Mission Accomplished?

I've read some criticisms of White Fragility and heard some people discouraging people from reading it.  It's probably not going to be useful for everyone, but for me as a White person it was a good place to start to get some baseline understanding and shared terminology to engage others who are interested in engaging right now as they are being forced to reckon with it in a way they might never have been before.  

If you're new to this justice journey, it might be worth checking out.  But don't stop here.  There's a lot more to learn and do to bring about justice.  We're just getting started.

When "Enough" Sounds like "I Love You, Neighbor"

My neighbor knocked on the door today to tell me from across the hall that he convinced his doctor to give him a prescription for the combination of hydroxychloroquine (and Zithromax) that Fox News has been talking up based on anecdotal evidence and some really shady trials.    He wanted me to do the same because he is my neighbor, knows I'm in more than one high-risk group, and cares about me.  He also hasn't talked to many people in a while, so I let him talk about the benefits and the deep state medical conspiracy keeping this treatment away from people for a while.  Then I sincerely thanked him for being concerned for me and wished him well and went back to working from home.  And being very concerned. 

It's not really (or at least just) that this treatment hasn't been proven to be safe and effective for treating this illness that concerned me.  It's not just that people desperate for a cure will buy things (possibly from the internet or the black market due to pharmacy shortages) that will kill them.  It's the further scarcity that could happen that has me most concerned. 1  2

He assured me that it's readily available and cheap because that's what Fox News told him, so it shouldn't be a problem for the Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis (and Malaria) patients who need it to have it.  However, the anecdotes I've been reading online have been from Lupus, autoimmune diseases, and Rheumatoid Arthritis patients who can't get their prescriptions refilled right now or in the possible future due to a shortage.

Yesterday the FDA and the Department of Health and Human Services said the drugs could be stockpiled in the Strategic National Stockpile and could “be distributed and prescribed by doctors to hospitalized teen and adult patients with Covid-19, as appropriate, when a clinical trial is not available or feasible.”

I am not sure where my healthy but elderly neighbor falls in that wording, but he didn't get his from that stockpile, just from an unethical or worn-down-by-badgering doctor.  All I could think of after he got done proudly telling me how far he had to go to find a pharmacy that had any of these drugs he doesn't need that other people do need, is, "I wonder if this will cause a shortage that will cost people's lives."

If all of these healthy people convince their doctors to give them this thing they don't need, will there be enough of this thing for the people who do need it right now, people who are dying right now?  

Isn't this just another variety of hoarding?  Another way we are selfish and think about what we tthink we need to do to make sure we have enough no matter what even if we take what someone else needs away?  Like the people buying the groceries that WIC-dependent people have to buy when they could buy something else or make do with what they have already hoarded?  Like the people who bought 8 months of toilet paper in a panic, leaving none left for people who have none?

Maybe I'm overreacting.  Maybe the supply chain has fixed itself since those articles I came across the last couple weeks.  Maybe there is plenty to go around like my neighbor said Fox News told him.  Just like toilet paper still missing weeks later from empty shelves. 

Maybe people won't have to miss work and paychecks they are still lucky enough to have due to pain and debilitation. 

Maybe they won't have flare-ups that cause them to go to the hospital and be exposed to this illness when they are already immuno-compromised. 

Maybe people in hard-hit areas won't die because of those 5 doses my neighbor hoarded. 

Maybe my elderly diabetic father won't die because of those 5 doses my neighbor hoarded.  Or my immuno-compromised niece.  Or one of my other neighbors on this planet. 

Maybe hoarding what we don't need now against possible need later will have no consequences in this case. 

But maybe it will. 

And if it will, doesn't that mean I have a moral responsibility to my neighbors and my community to prevent that if I can?

So I am not going to talk to my doctor.  She would not be on board with this anyway because she is kind and compassionate and ethical. 

I just hope that if I do catch this illness and am in the hospital on a ventilator (if one is even available) dying, that there is enough of this scarce, potentially-lifesaving option available for me because it hasn't all been swallowed up by people who are well but incapable of foreseeing the consequences their hoarding can have for their neighbors.  Or their grandfathers.  Or their relatives with cancer.  Or that middle-aged lady with asthma and a sketchy immune system across the hall.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but just in case I'm not, let's all take a deep breath and say ENOUGH hoarding.  

If you bought too much toilet paper and don't need it, you can always give it to someone else, but prescriptions legally don't work that way.  Let's leave the medication in the hands of the professionals to make sure it's there for people who need it when they need it (including maybe you or someone you love) and not sitting in the cabinets of healthy people who just want to feel like they have some control in this currently scarier world we're all in together right now.

Let's love our neighbors by saying ENOUGH.

Home Office with a View

This is my view for my work days now. 

Not bad, right? A bit cluttered from a window leak but you can see the snow levels, a tree, a blue house, the color of grass, and the sky. And my Christmas tree, which is up year round. 

I am insulated from the current crisis by a lot of privilege, my allergies, chronic pain intensified introversion, a touchy immune system, a habit of listening to world news, prudence and practicality, some good windows, and some actual extra insulation added a couple weeks ago. Because of that, it's easier for me to choose to be calm and collected. 

From here, I will have an excellent view of the spring that will come no matter how much people panic and how much toilet paper they hoard. 

Some of my friends and neighbors are not this privileged.  I'm praying that I can help insulate them from the worst of things. At least I can show weekly pictures of the world around me coming to life again this year. 

Don't Buy Distilled Water (if you don't need it)

This is a friendly PSA for those who are being kind when they go to the store these days. If you need water to drink, please consider buying the purified water or the spring water or the mineral water. Distilled water is required for humidifiers for folks with breathing issues and for CPAP machines and such. If other kinds of water are used in these machines, they get gunked up and can stop functioning, which is even more of an issue right now. Distilled water is also used by folks with allergies who need to use sinus rinses to prevent illness. 

At the 4 stores I have visited in the last couple of days, distilled water was sold out and all other kinds of water were present in abundance.  

If you don't NEED distilled water, please don't purchase it until supply chains get back up and running and stores are stocked up again (or the weather changes, and most folks don't need humidifiers). If there are other options, please think of your neighbors and choose those other options.  Thanks for your consideration!

Sincerely, 

Someone with pre-existing breathing difficulties