I read Robin DiAngelo's White Fragility to try to understand why it's so hard to talk to my parents about race. It was an eye-opening book that made me face head-on many things I had never thought about before as a White woman. It gave me some valuable vocabulary, psychology, history, and action steps to take. I found it very useful baseline book for White people to read.
I learned a lot about white supremacy and its ripples in the world around me. I learned about better ways to think about it and discuss it. I found the explanations about the reasons we react so badly to being told we're racist to be incredibly insightful and helpful to process my own experience with it and reactions to it and (hopefully) be more thoughtful going forward.
I would love if my mother read it and we discussed it, but I'm coming to the realization that my mother is the white moderate that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. warned about and DiAngelo also mentions. Because of various circumstances, she is more committed to the appearance of peace than the actualization of justice. Basically, my mother is not currently in a place where trying to have this conversation would be valuable.
I'm also coming to the conclusion that my father is racist and is unlikely to change at this point. As DiAngelo indicates, this does not mean I think he is an extra morally reprehensible person. I just think he has absorbed the white supremacy he was brought up in, and he is not willing to do the introspective work required to actively fight against it, since it is "not in the Bible" and he is content with his conclusions despite the fact that racism as we currently live with it didn't even start until around 1500ish years after biblical times ended. Trying to have conversations about race with him will be counterproductive until something changes.
Because of these things, I feel like I better understand why it's hard to talk to my parents about race. Reading Mission Accomplished?
I've read some criticisms of White Fragility and heard some people discouraging people from reading it. It's probably not going to be useful for everyone, but for me as a White person it was a good place to start to get some baseline understanding and shared terminology to engage others who are interested in engaging right now as they are being forced to reckon with it in a way they might never have been before.
If you're new to this justice journey, it might be worth checking out. But don't stop here. There's a lot more to learn and do to bring about justice. We're just getting started.
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