Driving a Toaster with a Shark Fin with Welded Keys

So I am driving what my mom refers to as a toaster.  It has a shark fin on the top.  It wasn't cleaned between uses, but don't worry, they included two sets of keys in case I lose one.  And then welded them together.

***pic here***

I'm glad I picked this one mostly because it's the only one that could possibly have fit all my luggage.  I literally don't know what I would have done if I had to take one of the tiny sedans left (even though we'd reserved something bigger).

Our initial introduction was rocky.  I had written down directions from the airport to my lodgings, but I had also purchased magic international credits for my phone, and I was willing to use them to navigate me there.  They seemed to be working for the first half of the trip, and then they started taking me in circles, and I realized I couldn't access the map navigation software.

So, like any brain-fogged, travel weary person who found out she was leaving the country the day before and stayed up until 3 packing and then had to get up at 5 to get ready to leave, I drove around for 2 and a half hours until I found it.  I didn't stop at a gas station to ask for directions or a map or any sane thing.  I went out like a detective with a few street names as clues and no concept of how large the area is or how wrong it could have gone. 

And I found it. 

Instead of feeling triumph, I just felt so tired.  And not up for dealing with the after hours concierge security people who did not understand me when I said the exact words my paperwork told me to say.  Thank God for the lady who was just there to pick up a package and talked both sides through until they figured out what I was asking for and handed me my welcome envelope and keys and none of the other things I was expecting.  No map of the building or information about it.  

They gave me some incomprehensible directions about parking (the lady helped explain again), and I found out that my parking space, while not actually as far from the entrance as possible, was 7 spaces from being as far away from the entrance as possible.  I'm on the lowest level (level 5), and anyone who gets motion sick of claustrophobic should just wait at the entrance for me to pick them up.  In 10 minutes.

There was one of those cursed luggage carts that moves based on physical laws from some other universe, and I only broke one toe getting everything up to my unit.  I broke many rules about swearing, I am sure.

And then I was in the unit, and there was a festive bag full of vital things for new residents.  There were 

• 3 bags of popcorn products
• two large bottles of water (which I should have taken as a sign that the tap water was undrinkable for taste reasons despite my research saying otherwise)
• 2 dishwasher pods
• 1 tiny adorable bottle of dish soap
• 1 sponge
• A ribbon tying the handles together that I couldn't untie
• A welcome letter with some of the missing information but still no map or tour of the building
• A container of nescafe packets and sugar and cream packets (which I immediately imagined being used as currency in the building like cigarettes in prison movies)

Welcome home!  For an indeterminate period of time.