Begging you to be my escape - some details about the why

So, some stuff happened at work.  And suddenly, I just didn't want to be where I was anymore.  

And then this ask came along to potentially relocate to Canada for a year, and I was on it.  I checked first to be sure there were physical therapy pools in the area that I could get to.  (I'm not completely irrational.)  

Then I threw my name in the ring and, motivated by rage and frustration, I sold myself as a great candidate for the thing!  And they were really impressed and agreed that I should do the thing.

In some ways, I AM a great candidate for the thing!  In some other ways, I mean, have you heard about how my body is falling apart?  And how it reacts when there is a lot of stress?  Or reacts to travel?  Or sitting wrong for 10 minutes?  Or moving too fast for 1 second?  I am NOT a spry 20-something who can up and move a lot and sit in a regular chair and do work for 12 hours a day and be FINE.

And have you MET me?  I mean, do you remember how awkward it was to get to know me (if you did so as an adult since my chronic pain shenanigans have ramped up)?  How many times I forgot your name.  How many times I still forget your name?  And can't remember things about you that are important?  Or forget words?  Or lose my train of thought?  Or can't remember the sentence you just said?  Or the last word I said?  What was I talking about?

For a while, I was in a negative place and this was my way to escape.  

And that's . . . not the best reason to make an important and life-altering decision that could potentially destroy you.  

Especially not when your foot is MAD about . . . whatever it is mad about.  And your shoulder.  And your knee.  And . . .   There are a lot of ands in this list.  I will be away from all the medical professionals who are familiar with my connective tissue disorder and know how to safely literally shove my skeleton and joints back in place on a regular basis.  And the therapy pool will be colder and louder.

I will lose access to all my books, manga, and anime DVDs.  For a year.  

I'm a leader / facilitator in two small groups with my church and lead lots of projects at work.  I have friends I hang out with when I'm feeling people-y.  I have a kid I mentor.  Going to a place where you lose access to all your people when you are not in the best mental place is also . . . maybe not the smartest plan.

But.

Where I was is probably worse.  

And I don't know what I could have done to make it better.  I've sort of lost confidence in my ability to do so.  And maybe interest in breaking myself (more) trying.

So, lots of intense new challenges, some of which I can probably help with.  In a different place.  With completely different people.  Sort of with the same company, doing things to help make peoples' lives better.

It is an adventure.  I chose it, for whatever not-great reasons, so let's see what happens.