Are you ready for the Fair?!

#WearingMyFairT-Shirt  #AtTheFirstParkAndRideITried  #OnTheSecondBus!  #AStateFairMiracle  #OnThisDayOfSweatIUsedStuffInMyHairToKeepItOffMyFace  #WithMiddlingSuccess

There are things I miss when I am not at my Minnesota home.  My shower's water pressure.  My dark, cool cave of a bedroom.  Blues and greens and blue-greens everywhere.  My hammock on the deck.  My friends.  Summer cicadas.  The sound of crickets.

#IDoNotMissThis  #FieUponThis  #IBiteMyThumbAtThis  #UnlessICanBeAnUnmovingObjectOnMyHammockInTheShade

Day 1 at the MN State Fair was warm and moist.  Not nearly as warm and moist as the day after it, but more on the wacky weather treats Minnesota gave me on this home leave later.

#BreakfastOfChampions  #NoLine  #ThisWasASeriesOfStateFairMiracles  #PBWhippedCreamPancakeCoveredBacon

I worked a shift at the outside window, and it was rough.  The ipad, cash drawer, and I were locked in mortal combat for 5 hours.  I lost.  Afterward thought of many ways I could have done that better.  But here is a picture of me being SO CAREFUL not to roll my ankle while taking my knee brace off due to sweat soaking through while I just stood there and thought mean things about touchscreens and smiled at lots of strangers and encouraged them to try our new espresso-based beverage that did NOT taste much like licking a tree at all!

#NoMarginForError  #OneFalseMoveAndIWouldHaveRolledEverythingSideways

The reward for volunteering is actual food.  I have now ingested my yearly quantity of hamloaf.  

#ItIsAGoodThingIDon'tHaveAccessToCornRegularly  #OrTheSweetCornbreadTheyServe

Fine art dump:

    

#SelectedArtDump  #SoManyPictures

I stopped by the donut booth (near the Fine Art Building) that had lines a mile long (literally) last year.  The line was totally reasonable at 4 in the afternoon.  Grabbed a donut to lug around with me and take home.  Then . . .

#Whee  #IfIPlanItRightICanSeeMoreOfTheFairWithoutOverdoingIt

This stuff was totally worth the blister.  Paella.  In Minnesota.  At the State Fair.  That was Excellent.  

#EvenIfITookIssueWithTheirSlogan  #NOTTheHotDishOfSpain  #ISavoredThisWhileTryingToGetPainLevelsDown

I checked out a couple of the vendors selling exercise equipment, as I am in love with the recumbent bike in the basement of my building here and decided that I would spend an adult amount of money on one that is sturdy and meets all my needs instead of getting the second cheapest kind like I did with my treadmill 9 years ago.  Then I found out that they started at 3X the adult amount of money I was considering, which was 9X as much as I had spent on my treadmill (so overall recumbent bike would be 27X as much as I had spent on my treadmill).  The second place I checked it was double that amount.  #Disappointing

I always get a re-entry stamp just in case, and it's kind of fun trying to figure out what it is.

#MaybeACornDog?

#Yeah  #SorryAboutThatBody  

My original plan called for a complete day of rest after this.  Instead, I worked a 10 hour day.  Which was even hotter and more humid than the one I volunteered at the fair during.  There were HUGE storms and some eerie-cool lighting.

 

#ICouldNotSeeOutOfMyHouseDueToCondensation

Then I worked an 11 hour day.  And then saw my church small group folks in person for a short time.  Grabbed some things to try to treat the blister that I was pretty excited about.  It was novel to get home and NOT have just holes in my skin from the braces.  I had a single, proper blister!  And it hadn't burst, and I was determined to keep it that way, so I was prepared.

Then MOAR FAIR!  Second Park & Ride was the charm.  Second bus again.  The State Fair Miracles continued.

#NotABreakfastOfChampions  #ActuallyMightHaveBeenAGoodLunchBurgerWaffleThing  #NotTerrible  #JustPreMadeAndSoggyAndHalfUndercookedHalfOvercooked  #TastyEnoughToGetMoving

I would like to take this time to thank my wrist brace, ring splints, and the hilarious little bag my mom gave me decades ago when her company had an ill-advised ad campaign called "PrintMyThing" that exactly fit my rain coat, hat, and all the braces.

 

#GladItWasNotAsHotAndHumidThisDay  #NeverWouldHaveBeenAbleToGetTheSplintsOnOrOff #AtTheDiningHall  #WaitingToHelpMeNotBendMyFingersBackwards

I tried the wild rice cranberry Swedish meatball sliders.  I would like to publicly apologize to the wild rice cranberry Swedish meatballs at the dining hall.  I looked forward every year to getting the regular Swedish meatballs (you have no idea how much, especially when I was living under the poverty line), and then one year, all of a sudden they were gone and were replaced by fancy, new meatballs, and I never gave them a chance.  At least on these sliders, they were dynamite.  Please accept my apologies for being a jerk to you all these years, new meatballs.  I also tried the espresso-based beverage, and it was genuinely not objectionable.  Seriously cool and refreshing, gluten free, dairy free, full of cinnamon and cardamom and other delightful spices to cover up the licking-a-tree flavor of espresso!  Victory!

#NoStuffInHairBecauseNotAsHotAndHumid  

#RegrettableDecision  

#HAIR-TOUCHING-FACE-ALL-DAY-UGHHHHH

I was out of gas and knew it (and wanted to protect my blister), but I made sure to stop by this place during an off-peak time, and there was, again, no line!!!!  Also note that I was being very good about not adding the stress of a ton of foods my body reacts badly to, and it was all still delicious.  Well done, State Fair.

#SoGood  #SweetPotatoesAreAmazing  #StateFairMiracle

My body was quite done then, so I packed it in and headed back to the sky ride.  There were lots of other people there, so I think the Fair did okay even though I left early.

#HiPeopleWithEnergy  #AndHopefullyLessPain

One more for the road.

#YouCanTellSheIsNotGoingToLikeWhatHerActivityTrackerSays

 

#Yikes  #Sorry  #AFairDayAllAround  #Snicker

Managed to work another long day (that I should have spent mostly unconscious) and then part of another and then got a few errands run.  Saw my MN chiropractor, and he said I seemed stronger, and I take that as a good sign.  Especially after several weeks of overdoing it with work and trying to compensate outside of it.

#TheseAreCupHoldersAtREI  #You'reWelcome

Then, finally, a couple more hours on the hammock.  It was cooler that day, so I had to use my lightest blanket.  Some nice dramatic sunlight.  

#Cozy  #Ahhhhh

In Fair conclusion:

• Cicada Chorus = 11 out of 10
• Holes worn into my feet by my ankle braces = <1
• Food eaten: Too much (mostly amazingly delicious)
• Steps: Too many
• Cool Art Seen: Correct amount

As the season turns, I hope you enjoy the fuubutsushi!  Now that I'm leaving MN, the weather is scheduled to become totally reasonable.  Enjoy!

Are we on leave yet? (No. Then yes. But not really.)

Another week of not-quite-disaster.  Some very long days. 

#MyCollegeRoommatesWhoHadToDealWithMy9PMBedtimeMightBegToDiffer

One of my recent frustrations has revolved around a team member who is at the job title level that I was denied.  He, too, is male.  He, too, has less experience and fewer successes than I do.  He, too, is supposed to be dedicated to this integration at work for a year.  He has no experience with manufacturing technical writing, but he is, for the love, a principal TW.  He agreed to help.  He agreed to own 6 documents and to get them done on certain deadlines.  I was trusting him to be a mature, competent team member.  I needed him to pick things up quickly, communicate clearly and regularly, and ask for help when he needed it.  I needed to be able to spend more time helping out the junior people on the team, including the intern who has literally never done any of this before.  In short, I needed him to be a principal level TW.  And he failed hard in every possible thing on my list.

#I'veBeenTooBusyAndHurtyToReadMuch  #ButTruth!

I wonder if it would be this irksome if I weren't still wrestling with the whole, "We didn't consider you for the promotion because we didn't believe that someone with your skills and abilities would want to stay here, so we gave it to the younger, less experienced, less successful, male person who doesn't really have any other skills outside of tech writing that we know we can keep if we promote him even though he has no interest in actually working at this level and his talents lie at the senior level unlike you" sadness and burnout that made me come to Canada in the first place. 

#YouAndMeBothCicadasAndIssa  #ThisOneMadeMeLaugh

There are some GREAT principal-level people I have worked alongside and pulled through deadlines with.  But there are also some terrible principal-level people who are bad at work (especially teamwork and communication) and seemingly impervious to consequences for not being good at working, and they are, so far, all male.  Could be totally a coincidence.  But the frustration is so real.

#FoodIsAlsoReal  #EvenIfItWasn'tTasty  #MaybeTearsWouldHaveHelped  #NeededMoreSalt  #NotSomethingIEverExpectedToThinkAboutRamen

This is the week I realized he was, in fact, failing at every aspect I needed him to succeed at.  And he was also (possibly illicitly this time) working while on a cruise again.  So while I'm hurting myself trying to make up for his failures (and not being able to), he's off on a cruise getting paid to work but not actually working?  He needs me to do some of the work he flaked on next week while I am supposed to be on leave and vacation, and I just can't.  I will be working through the break and took my vacation days off the calendar, but even then, I can't make up for what he didn't do.  And I can't fix the things he did wrong.

#Let'sPauseToAppreciateWhatTheContructionFolksAreDoingHere

And I need to talk to him about it because I don't want the first time he hears about my disappointment to be when I send his boss the feedback that he failed at everything.  And I hate that kind of conversation, especially in situations where I am, as they say, leading without authority.  (No, I do not want to be a manager.  I just want people to manage themselves and do their jobs they signed up for or communicate if and why they can't while there's still time to fix their mistakes.)

#NeedingSomeOfThatWillowEnergyIssa  #ButNotTheMopeyDramaticWeepingWillowEnergy

On the plus side, I will have 2 volunteer days at the Fair, probably one more than I should have, and I have plans to make sure I do not literally cripple myself this time.  Let's see if I can pull it off!  Stay tuned!

#Preach

Today, I finally made it home and got to spend a few glorious hours on the hammock!  Theoretically napping, but my heart rate was uninterested in this activity and decided that lying bonelessly (supported with knee tape) on the hammock was like running from a lion.  

#Oh,Dysautonomia,YouChucklehead  #Sigh

In what I am trying NOT to take as an omen, this sad friend was with me on the deck.  Which was not stained, apparently, because it needs to be repaired, but the people who are supposed to check on that never told me, so now I'm out the money for deck staining without any deck staining actually taking place.  #JustSayNoToOmens

#IHopeItIsFrolickingInTheBigLakeInTheSky  #WhereThereWillBeNoBiteyMosquitoes  #NeedToStopOverthinkingThis

#Sometimes  #ButProbablyNot

#Ahhhhhhhhhh  #HammockTime  #TreasuredEvenInLimitedQuantities

Hope you are letting yourself get the rest you need.  And stocking the wine cellar of books if you can.  Hang in there, friends!  This, too, shall pass.  Then there will be more time to read.

#ReadDon'tWine

This Might Not Lead To Total Disaster and other cautiously hopeful things (including some cool grass plant thing)

 So things might actually be less dire and looking up.  #Yay

I passed over execution for the initiative I was involved with that just keeps spawning new asks.  It was surprisingly easy to give this up after I met with the leader who has been causing problems by having expectations and information and refusing to disclose it and blaming other people for not reading her mind or just knowing these things.  They cheerfully admitted that they have been withholding information, answers, and assistance on purpose to "test" people.  #IProbablyFailed  #OhNo  #ByeByeBye

#HereIsAnEmotionalSupportPlantingToHelpUsGetThroughTheRage  

#IAmCallingItAGhostPlant  

#PrettySpooky  #SeeWhatIDidThere

I am appalled and enraged and very, very glad to run far, far away and hand off execution on these projects to someone else.  Also feeling a little bad for the person they're being handed to because this is not work she wants to do, but she won't speak up for herself.  She is good at it, so I understand why they are pulling her in.  And at least this toxic leader is fully supportive of this person.  But holy buckets, it's incredibly unfair and toxic that this leader is not providing what people need unless she wants to fast track them and guarantee their success.

#SorryNotSorryToPassOnTheDumpsterFullOfDumpsterFires  #IDidNot,InFact,HavePie

#IDid,However,DiscoverThisBeautifulBlueChestOnTheSideOfTheStreetDuringAWalk  #IDidNotOpenItInCaseThereWasASpiderKingdomInside  #SoPretty  #WantedIt

I also had some more hard conversations with managers and other parties to force them to prioritize and align.

#ExplainsALot

Prioritization is very hard for people.  (I am people, so I speak from experience.  : )  It's especially hard when the people who need to prioritize have projects they own and refuse to acknowledge other people's priorities and bandwidths.  But I feel more confident that we're all more or less facing the same direction after this week.  I don't necessarily feel confident that we'll hit the deadlines, but I feel less like we will miss them all.  

#MyHomeOfficeWall  #Taking4DocumentsAndCombiningThemInto1  #TakesALotOfTimeAndSkill  #EasierWhenI'mOnlySplittingMyAttention7WaysInsteadOf12

I also feel good about the help I'm providing.  I had 3 people gush about it this week (words like savior and angel spontaneously came up, which was hilarious and is one of the joys of working with people from other cultures and languages who unselfconsciously use words like this), and I think that definitely helped me feel more positive about all this effort being worth it in some way.

#LikeThisLevelOfWay  #ApparentlyHistoricallyABadFoodInteractionWeek

Maybe not in a "getting recognition for the extraordinary level of work I am doing over and above my job title and pay grade from managers" way, but it's definitely . . . something.  Interestingly, my customers always enthusiastically endorse my work; it's my managers who don't seem to understand or care.

#LaughingCrying  #This  #MyActivityTrackerShowsThatIGenerallyGetToSleep2HoursBeforeI'mSupposedToWakeUp

#Ugh

This week, I had a conundrum.  A book I have been eagerly anticipating came out, as they do for some absolutely inexplicable reason, on Tuesday.  I wanted to read it.  But I knew that if I obtained it on the day it was released, I would unwisely stay up too late reading it, possibly for two days in a row, on the week where I was finally getting things maybe under control again at work.  So I did not buy it.  I was proud of myself for holding out.  Except for when I was on the computer working too late and then had insomnia because the brain work that late caused me to miss the 35 second window I have to get in bed and actually fall asleep reasonably, and I was awake until 3:30 AND DID NOT HAVE THAT BOOK TO READ.  It made me extra salty.  Like, brain, I am TRYING here (please ignore the eating too late, exercising too late, and working on a computer screen too late), and you are NOT cooperating to help me feel heroic and morally superior for making the grown-up choice not to buy the book. #FirstWorldProblems

#Truth  #NoOfficePoliticsOfThisSortInTheBooksIAmEscapingInto

It's probably better this way.  I had another book, and I was easily able to stop when my brain conceded that it might be willing to try that sleeping thing again.  This is going to happen again next week.  (The book coming out on a Tuesday thing, hopefully not the brain refusing to sleep thing.)  #StayTuned

#This,Brain  #ThisIsTheAccomplishedFeelingWeAreAimingForThisWeek

Still trying to do good things for body and brain.

#YouCanGet4MealsOutOfThis  #SoYouDon'tHaveToCookOrLeaveTheHouse  #MoreTimeForBook

#AlasNoFireflies

#LookAtThisCoolGrassBushPlantThing  #SoCool

#SuperRandomSpottedByTheSidewalk

A final thought I wish that people leader understood. Also something I need to be reminded of when I am overwhelmed and feeling especially non-functional, ???-less, and blunt.  #BeKind

???The word I'm looking for is something like inhibitions.  You know how like drinking alcohol can take your guardrails off (in theory, since I've never tried it because, ew, it smells gross)?  There's a word that gets used around that.  When I'm really tired and overwhelmed and punchy . . . WAIT, FILTERS!

Yes, so when the filters are KIA, I need to be kind.  (This is a glimpse into my brain this week.  You're welcome?)

#IWasListening  #IJustDon'tRemember  #ThankYouForYourPatience