This Might Not Lead To Total Disaster and other cautiously hopeful things (including some cool grass plant thing)

 So things might actually be less dire and looking up.  #Yay

I passed over execution for the initiative I was involved with that just keeps spawning new asks.  It was surprisingly easy to give this up after I met with the leader who has been causing problems by having expectations and information and refusing to disclose it and blaming other people for not reading her mind or just knowing these things.  They cheerfully admitted that they have been withholding information, answers, and assistance on purpose to "test" people.  #IProbablyFailed  #OhNo  #ByeByeBye

#HereIsAnEmotionalSupportPlantingToHelpUsGetThroughTheRage  

#IAmCallingItAGhostPlant  

#PrettySpooky  #SeeWhatIDidThere

I am appalled and enraged and very, very glad to run far, far away and hand off execution on these projects to someone else.  Also feeling a little bad for the person they're being handed to because this is not work she wants to do, but she won't speak up for herself.  She is good at it, so I understand why they are pulling her in.  And at least this toxic leader is fully supportive of this person.  But holy buckets, it's incredibly unfair and toxic that this leader is not providing what people need unless she wants to fast track them and guarantee their success.

#SorryNotSorryToPassOnTheDumpsterFullOfDumpsterFires  #IDidNot,InFact,HavePie

#IDid,However,DiscoverThisBeautifulBlueChestOnTheSideOfTheStreetDuringAWalk  #IDidNotOpenItInCaseThereWasASpiderKingdomInside  #SoPretty  #WantedIt

I also had some more hard conversations with managers and other parties to force them to prioritize and align.

#ExplainsALot

Prioritization is very hard for people.  (I am people, so I speak from experience.  : )  It's especially hard when the people who need to prioritize have projects they own and refuse to acknowledge other people's priorities and bandwidths.  But I feel more confident that we're all more or less facing the same direction after this week.  I don't necessarily feel confident that we'll hit the deadlines, but I feel less like we will miss them all.  

#MyHomeOfficeWall  #Taking4DocumentsAndCombiningThemInto1  #TakesALotOfTimeAndSkill  #EasierWhenI'mOnlySplittingMyAttention7WaysInsteadOf12

I also feel good about the help I'm providing.  I had 3 people gush about it this week (words like savior and angel spontaneously came up, which was hilarious and is one of the joys of working with people from other cultures and languages who unselfconsciously use words like this), and I think that definitely helped me feel more positive about all this effort being worth it in some way.

#LikeThisLevelOfWay  #ApparentlyHistoricallyABadFoodInteractionWeek

Maybe not in a "getting recognition for the extraordinary level of work I am doing over and above my job title and pay grade from managers" way, but it's definitely . . . something.  Interestingly, my customers always enthusiastically endorse my work; it's my managers who don't seem to understand or care.

#LaughingCrying  #This  #MyActivityTrackerShowsThatIGenerallyGetToSleep2HoursBeforeI'mSupposedToWakeUp

#Ugh

This week, I had a conundrum.  A book I have been eagerly anticipating came out, as they do for some absolutely inexplicable reason, on Tuesday.  I wanted to read it.  But I knew that if I obtained it on the day it was released, I would unwisely stay up too late reading it, possibly for two days in a row, on the week where I was finally getting things maybe under control again at work.  So I did not buy it.  I was proud of myself for holding out.  Except for when I was on the computer working too late and then had insomnia because the brain work that late caused me to miss the 35 second window I have to get in bed and actually fall asleep reasonably, and I was awake until 3:30 AND DID NOT HAVE THAT BOOK TO READ.  It made me extra salty.  Like, brain, I am TRYING here (please ignore the eating too late, exercising too late, and working on a computer screen too late), and you are NOT cooperating to help me feel heroic and morally superior for making the grown-up choice not to buy the book. #FirstWorldProblems

#Truth  #NoOfficePoliticsOfThisSortInTheBooksIAmEscapingInto

It's probably better this way.  I had another book, and I was easily able to stop when my brain conceded that it might be willing to try that sleeping thing again.  This is going to happen again next week.  (The book coming out on a Tuesday thing, hopefully not the brain refusing to sleep thing.)  #StayTuned

#This,Brain  #ThisIsTheAccomplishedFeelingWeAreAimingForThisWeek

Still trying to do good things for body and brain.

#YouCanGet4MealsOutOfThis  #SoYouDon'tHaveToCookOrLeaveTheHouse  #MoreTimeForBook

#AlasNoFireflies

#LookAtThisCoolGrassBushPlantThing  #SoCool

#SuperRandomSpottedByTheSidewalk

A final thought I wish that people leader understood. Also something I need to be reminded of when I am overwhelmed and feeling especially non-functional, ???-less, and blunt.  #BeKind

???The word I'm looking for is something like inhibitions.  You know how like drinking alcohol can take your guardrails off (in theory, since I've never tried it because, ew, it smells gross)?  There's a word that gets used around that.  When I'm really tired and overwhelmed and punchy . . . WAIT, FILTERS!

Yes, so when the filters are KIA, I need to be kind.  (This is a glimpse into my brain this week.  You're welcome?)

#IWasListening  #IJustDon'tRemember  #ThankYouForYourPatience