Are we on leave yet? (No. Then yes. But not really.)

Another week of not-quite-disaster.  Some very long days. 

#MyCollegeRoommatesWhoHadToDealWithMy9PMBedtimeMightBegToDiffer

One of my recent frustrations has revolved around a team member who is at the job title level that I was denied.  He, too, is male.  He, too, has less experience and fewer successes than I do.  He, too, is supposed to be dedicated to this integration at work for a year.  He has no experience with manufacturing technical writing, but he is, for the love, a principal TW.  He agreed to help.  He agreed to own 6 documents and to get them done on certain deadlines.  I was trusting him to be a mature, competent team member.  I needed him to pick things up quickly, communicate clearly and regularly, and ask for help when he needed it.  I needed to be able to spend more time helping out the junior people on the team, including the intern who has literally never done any of this before.  In short, I needed him to be a principal level TW.  And he failed hard in every possible thing on my list.

#I'veBeenTooBusyAndHurtyToReadMuch  #ButTruth!

I wonder if it would be this irksome if I weren't still wrestling with the whole, "We didn't consider you for the promotion because we didn't believe that someone with your skills and abilities would want to stay here, so we gave it to the younger, less experienced, less successful, male person who doesn't really have any other skills outside of tech writing that we know we can keep if we promote him even though he has no interest in actually working at this level and his talents lie at the senior level unlike you" sadness and burnout that made me come to Canada in the first place. 

#YouAndMeBothCicadasAndIssa  #ThisOneMadeMeLaugh

There are some GREAT principal-level people I have worked alongside and pulled through deadlines with.  But there are also some terrible principal-level people who are bad at work (especially teamwork and communication) and seemingly impervious to consequences for not being good at working, and they are, so far, all male.  Could be totally a coincidence.  But the frustration is so real.

#FoodIsAlsoReal  #EvenIfItWasn'tTasty  #MaybeTearsWouldHaveHelped  #NeededMoreSalt  #NotSomethingIEverExpectedToThinkAboutRamen

This is the week I realized he was, in fact, failing at every aspect I needed him to succeed at.  And he was also (possibly illicitly this time) working while on a cruise again.  So while I'm hurting myself trying to make up for his failures (and not being able to), he's off on a cruise getting paid to work but not actually working?  He needs me to do some of the work he flaked on next week while I am supposed to be on leave and vacation, and I just can't.  I will be working through the break and took my vacation days off the calendar, but even then, I can't make up for what he didn't do.  And I can't fix the things he did wrong.

#Let'sPauseToAppreciateWhatTheContructionFolksAreDoingHere

And I need to talk to him about it because I don't want the first time he hears about my disappointment to be when I send his boss the feedback that he failed at everything.  And I hate that kind of conversation, especially in situations where I am, as they say, leading without authority.  (No, I do not want to be a manager.  I just want people to manage themselves and do their jobs they signed up for or communicate if and why they can't while there's still time to fix their mistakes.)

#NeedingSomeOfThatWillowEnergyIssa  #ButNotTheMopeyDramaticWeepingWillowEnergy

On the plus side, I will have 2 volunteer days at the Fair, probably one more than I should have, and I have plans to make sure I do not literally cripple myself this time.  Let's see if I can pull it off!  Stay tuned!

#Preach

Today, I finally made it home and got to spend a few glorious hours on the hammock!  Theoretically napping, but my heart rate was uninterested in this activity and decided that lying bonelessly (supported with knee tape) on the hammock was like running from a lion.  

#Oh,Dysautonomia,YouChucklehead  #Sigh

In what I am trying NOT to take as an omen, this sad friend was with me on the deck.  Which was not stained, apparently, because it needs to be repaired, but the people who are supposed to check on that never told me, so now I'm out the money for deck staining without any deck staining actually taking place.  #JustSayNoToOmens

#IHopeItIsFrolickingInTheBigLakeInTheSky  #WhereThereWillBeNoBiteyMosquitoes  #NeedToStopOverthinkingThis

#Sometimes  #ButProbablyNot

#Ahhhhhhhhhh  #HammockTime  #TreasuredEvenInLimitedQuantities

Hope you are letting yourself get the rest you need.  And stocking the wine cellar of books if you can.  Hang in there, friends!  This, too, shall pass.  Then there will be more time to read.

#ReadDon'tWine